i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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