i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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