I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
