woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
