My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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