it hurts more in the daytime
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
