There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
