I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
