I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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