What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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