that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize