It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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