Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
