So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
