when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
