i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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