she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
