i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize