i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I understand Curling. That high.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
