Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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