And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sobbing to NWA
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
