I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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