The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I want her autograph on my taint
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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