bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
