We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
