This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
