I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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