Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
