Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize