My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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