So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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