matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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