I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
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She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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