She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
