I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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