I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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