I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
