there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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