Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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