Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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