Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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