he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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