Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
