i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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