I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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