You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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