I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
