No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
