dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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