Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
