when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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