he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
