I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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