Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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