Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
