Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
